Lailene
“Not everything or everyone is worth fighting for, you
assume them to be but, they only exist to make a complete ass out of you. I've learned you have to jump over many hurdles, leap through several
hoops, and kiss a lot of frogs before you finally find your true love. And
even then things may not be perfect but, that’s OK, as long as it feels
right and you are willing to be apart of and not just a spectator in the relationship, there will be a shiny bright light at the end of
the tunnel...... I hope"
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Life does not always turn out the way it’s supposed to. In
an instant you go from worrying about your upcoming wedding to finding your Fiance
in bed with some random whore. What do you do? You forgive him and try to
work things out because for some odd reason even though he betrayed you, you’re
still in love him. He tells you “it didn’t mean anything, I’m sorry I made a
mistake,” and you claim to believe him. In your mind the statement may be false
by all accounts but you are blinded by love. You make up excuses and choose to
go ahead with the wedding anyway, even though your gut is telling you not to.
You cast away all the doubt and write it off as pre-wedding jitters, it was
only merely a week ago that the man you are about to walk down the aisle with
slept with someone else. What do you do
now?
You can’t cancel the wedding; the
invitations have been sent out, not to mention the venue, the cake, your dress, and
everything else has been picked out and paid for.
Why would walk away from the love
of life?
Five whole years down the drain for some skank. It didn’t mean
anything right? That could be true but, you can’t break away from that nagging feeling this
wasn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last.
So why the hell are you
in a wedding dress about to get married?
<>
This is my life, a college sophomore whom was madly in love
with her high school sweetheart Mikael Dawson.
After our high school graduation he asked me
to marry him at our favorite spot. We loved the beach, and it was the most romantic
thing he had ever done for me.
Although I knew my mom would want me to wait I said yes
anyway and decided to plan our wedding immediately. School was pretty hectic
but during down time I planned out every detail.
I found the perfect dress and Mikael’s
parents provided the perfect venue in their backyard, a spring wedding would be
divine. His mom had the most beautiful
garden so how could I pass it up. They were paying for everything, my mom
didn’t approve so I was pretty much on my own. We set a date, on our fifth anniversary.
<>
As the date approached I was so excited, we were supposed to be putting the
finish touches on our seating arrangements. Mikael had been so preoccupied with
school and baseball that we hadn’t gotten around to it yet. I decided to arrive
early at his apartment, big mistake. I was his fiance so naturally I had a key.
I came in and heard a “funny” noise
coming from the room. I was a little suspicious but, I thought back to our high
school days when I walked in and caught him watching a “movie”. Since I decided that we would wait until our honeymoon to consummate,
he had been a little on edge. I mean don’t get me wrong we have had sex before;
I just wanted to try to go by tradition in some form or fashion I guess.
I barged in the room.
“What are you doing?” with a smile, that quickly turned into
a frown as tears began to stream down my cheeks.
“Mikael! Who? What the hell are doing?” I screamed at him
and instantly went in to attack mode
“How could you?”
The girl who clearly knew me and was not upset in the least
bit picked up her belongs and watched as Mikael and I argued. I wanted to claw
her face but, my main focus was with the man I was engaged to, I loved and had
been in a committed relationship with for 5 years so I thought.
“I’m sorry LeLe, please don’t be mad. I can’t explain it I
don’t know how this happen” he pleaded with me.
“You don’t know what happen, do you seriously expect me to
believe that bullshit” I yelled.
“I do, I mean I don’t, oh hell I don’t know. I made a
mistake” he explained “I love you, why do you think I asked you to marry me………
I am marrying you?” he asked with uncertainty.
“Marry you, you must be crazy. Why the hell would I marry a
cheating bastard?” I hissed. “I don’t deserve this I have been faithful to you,
I love you, I trusted you until today.” I shouted.
We stood for a moment he didn’t respond only looked at me
like a sad puppy who didn’t know any better and had accidentally made a mess on my
new rug. The only difference was Mikael knew better he was no sad puppy, it was
all in act. My whole relationship was based on lies, lies he told to get away
with murder. How could I have been so stupid, I thought back to all the times
he told me he was working late, or had a late practice, was hanging out with
friends, and slew of other excuses. He could tell I was deep in thought and
decided to chime in with another excuse, apology or whatever you want to call
it.
“I never intended to hurt you……. I guess I’m weak……. my
flesh ached for you. I can’t lose you LeLe I don’t know what I would do without
you. Please don’t leave me. I promise to make this up to you. I guarantee this
will never happen again.”
By the look in his eyes he seemed sincere but how could I
ever trust this man again. I managed to utter these words “I can’t” before
heading towards the door.
He grabbed me “Please, don’t leave...... can we just talk
about this more, I mean we are getting married in a week. Don’t walk away from
us baby please! I’m so sorry.” He pulled me in closer to him. “I love u
Lailene, I want you to be wife, don’t let this break us part.”
I replied in a softer tone “I don’t know Mikael, I just
don’t know if I can ever forgive you for this.”
“Lailene, Can you try?” he asked.
Instantly, my heart had overridden the decisions my brain
made to fuck the marriage and most importantly fuck him! My heart had spoken
and I couldn’t leave the love of my life. I don’t know why I was about to forgive
him and work on our relationship but, my heart had spoken and the decision was
final.
I guess Mikael’s whore realized that he had gotten me to reconsider,
and responded with the smack of the lips and a slick comment “Stupid ass bitch”
and headed towards the door.
I didn’t realize until then that the little bitch never left
and stood in the corner watching us as if this was one of those teen soap
dramas. I instantly felt fire running through my veins with rage, before I knew
it I choked her up and began to attack her with my fist, I was intending to do some heavy duty damage to her
pretty little face
A couple of days later after finding Mikael with her, I
remembered where I knew her from, a party in which I distinctly remember her
sleeping with one of his other roommates. So the whore got what she deserved, a real
live in living color ass whooping.
After the altercation we discussed everything and decided to
get married and work more on building a stronger relationship. I really have no
clue why I decided to give him a second chance but, at the time it seemed like the
right thing to do.
<>
That feeling soon subsided, just as things change in an instant so does you feelings. I thought I wanted to marry Mikael but, on my wedding day I
realized while I sat in front of that vanity in his parents room. I
couldn’t go through with it, I refuse to be that girl the one that stands by
her man after he has cheated or beat her senseless. I still loved Mikael and
still do but I couldn’t marry him. I didn’t have the nerve to tell him face to
face.
So I ran
jumped into our rental vehicle and drove to the
boardwalk,
had a drink, or two, or three.
I stood watching the sunset and made a different plan for my life, one that didn’t
included marriage, kids with Mikael, a white picket fence and cat or dog for
that matter.
None of the above, but it
did include me picking myself up, continuing my education and becoming a bestselling
author.
Hi, I’m Lailene Wilkes and welcome to my life, hope you enjoy the ride.
XOXO
Lailene
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